I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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