Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
