I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if only i could text you this smell
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
