brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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