I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
