Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
