it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
