Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
