we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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