I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
