Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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