Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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