Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
