Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
