she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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