Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
