My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
