My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize