Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
