This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He felt like a one man threesome
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize