I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
