Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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