dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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