Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
