so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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