I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
