I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
