So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
