ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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