I'm so fucking centered right now
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
