bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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