Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
