Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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