As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
