he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
