Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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