even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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