First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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