You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
