i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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