I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
