remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
