susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize