chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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