i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
