Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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