all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
