I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
