how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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