I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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