Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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