I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize