it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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