my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
