I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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