I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
