Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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