the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
