Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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