She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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