There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
