my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In America we eat man semen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
