In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
