i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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