dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
