I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
