You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
