You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Two words: blizzard sex
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize