Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
