I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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