She is in my trunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
