i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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