first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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