i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
