Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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