omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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