I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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