Already got asked if we're dating
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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