i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
