Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
