my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
