Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
