Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
