dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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