Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
