Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
