the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
