Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
